Instigator
by Tilling my own grave
Summary: Between their bearded leader, the citizens in awe over his facial disfigurement, the complete lack of personal space, and their hailing him as some sort of demigod for making it to his second birthday, Harry Potter was not pleased to be here, not at all.
1. The Beginning

Disclaimer; I do not own any form of the Harry Potter series. (This disclaimer is for every chapter in this fanfiction)

* * *

**Chapter 1; The Beginning.** (A.K.A. First Impressions, The Beard (_Oh God the Beard!_), and the Chase)

"You must be jesting." Albus Dumbledores' face still held remains of shock, which frankly would have delighted the rest of the teachers if it weren't for the situation at hand. All professors were currently herded into the Headmasters' cluttered office. Rubeus Hagrid sat in front in an overly enlarged chair facing Dumbledore waiting for the verdict of what was to be done.

"Are you sure that's exactly what happened though? Maybe you might've misunderstood what the poor boy did." Ponoma Sprout pipped up from the left of Hagrid, her face was matted in soil and concern. "Perhaps you should tell us again what happened." she tried helpfully, carefully concealing her amusement. In fact all present were trying not to burst out in laughter except Dumbledore who was still in shock, Hagrid who seemed troubled by what occurred, and Snape who hadn't stopped scowling when the name "Potter" left Hagrids mouth.

"I's wha I sa'd be'ore," Hagrid stressed out. "E' jus chuc'eld an' shu' th' door."

"But didn't you say he gave you directions too?" Minerva McGonagall stated rather than asked.

"E'r" Hagrid gently handed her a piece of notebook paper, careful not to tear it. McGonagall took one look at the childish writing before bursting out in peals of laughter. Doubled over she shoved it at the closest person who was Sinistra, this continued until all the Professors read the message and trying to quell their laughter. Smirking the tiniest bit Snape passed it over to Dumbledore who numbly took it without reading. The letter was simple but to the point.

_You and your bumblebee should go here. _

And in small letters underneath it read.

_Don't come back, I have a knife and I **will** use it. Thanks_

At the bottom of the page were directions and a makeshift map, followed by a crudely drawn picture of a stick figure holding a knife.

"What was at the destination?" Dumbledore inquired leaning back in his chair and sucking on a lemon drop. His face lost the shock and now had a determined look to it. What you could see of Hagrids face grew red in embarrassment. He looked down and mumbled out a string of words fast. Dumbledore leaned forward and listening with rapt attention to what happened, but toward the end his eye got this little twitch in it and when he smiled at Hagrid everyone winced at how crazy he looked.

"An asylum? Why in Merlins Beard would he send you to an asylum?" Albus gritted out. He leaned back and pinched between his eyes attempting to ward off a headache. This was suppose to be easy. The boy was suppose to be thrilled to come to Hogwarts. All the wizarding world was counting down the hours until the Boy-Who-Lived returned to their world! What Dumbledore didn't count on was young Harry declining, it was unheard of for someone to decline an invitation to go to Hogwarts.

"Don' know, whe' I we'n ba' e' pull'd a knife on me." Hagrid slowly explained.

"Maybe someone else should've went. No offense Hagrid but you are intimidating and he might've had a fright at the sight of you." Sprout said. "Maybe one of us should go fetch him."

Dumbledore smiled and a twinkle found its way back into his eyes. "Splendid idea! I will go and explain in detail about the Wizarding Community. Anyone else want to accompany me?"

* * *

A small waif of a boy sat in the front lawn of a house that scarily looked exactly like every other house in the development, but that wasn't odd at all, what was odd was that he was cackling on as he was burning ants with a magnifying glass. Sadly this wasn't as odd a sight to the neighbors who have seen much crazier than this. Becoming bored quickly the boy tossed the object over his shoulder (where it banged loudly again a window pane) and stomped the rest of the ants dead. Laying back he apparently decided it was nap time, that was until there were a series of cracks breaking through the air.

_Brilliant_ Harry thought to himself as he lazily opened one eye. Which he shut again quickly when he saw the odd arrange of people heading in his general direction.

"Mr. Potter I presume?" a shadow fell over his form, still laying on the ground. Hoping to whatever God out there that it was not one of those sideshow freaks, Harry opened his eyes, apparently he likes setting himself up for disappointment. That or the universe hates him. For what was standing over him was to put it frankly a beard, with a person hidden somewhere in there.  
Rolling into a sitting position Harry took note of the crowd that was suddenly surrounding him and his escape options.

"Depends...who wants to know?" He stared at the Holy-Bearded-One. completely ignoring the other adults who were currently staring at him.

"My name is Albus Dumbledore and-" That was as far as Dumbledore got before Harry was crab-walking away from him, a look of anger and frustration on his face.

"Hold on there!" Dumbledore chased after the scuttling child as he tried to escape. The rest of the professors who accompanied Dumbledore watched in rapt fascination.

"I told your _lackey_, and now I'm telling you! If you don't leave me alone Bumblebee, I will go to the constable! Then...then I'll tell them you touched me in my no-no place! Y'know what they do to perverts in prison? huh, well do ya?" Harry spat out as he stumbled to his feet and took off down the street, Mr. McBeardy (surprisingly agile) right behind.

"Halt!" Dumbledore cried out in vain. To the rest of the group it was quite a privileged site to see one of the most respected men in the magic community be accused of being a pedophile, it was not helping that he was currently serpentining down a street after a boy of only eleven. The professors stood by idly and watched as the two disappeared around a street corner and out of view.

"All in favor of going back to the castle and thinking out a plan?" McGonagall looked at the others.

This was answered throughout the crowd with "Aye." and "Yes." then several sharp cracks sounded out. Then, Privet Drive was peaceful once again.

* * *

It was in the teachers lounge where Dumbledore found all of his wayward employee's. Looming in the doorway he towered above them like a vengeful god about to smite down his enemies (in this case, he made a mental note to fire everyone gathered that abandoned him on his Boy-Who-Lived hunt throughout most of Surrey). He stared at them, while they all stared back. It went on for about a minute before Snape, of all people, gave an undignified snort and turned his head away. Dumbledore just kept his glare firmly on, there was absolutely no way he was going to eye twinkle at them, this he felt was the best way to proceed.

"Uh...Albus? Did you happen to see your reflection lately?" Sprout bit her lip to keep from smiling.

"I've been busy for the past couple of hours. Why? Is there something in my beard?" His eyes self-consciously darted down to his beard for a quick second, when he found nothing wrong he glared harder for trying to get him off track.

Minerva summoned a mirror and enlarged it without looking in Dumbledore's general direction.

"Oh dear." Albus muttered. It seems when he fell into a puddle (chasing the savior of the wizarding world) it escaped his notice that it rather looked like he soiled himself. A quick cleaning spell on his robes and Albus felt he was back in business, and once again the other occupants of the room were left to wither under his disappointed glare.

* * *

Harry looked back over his shoulder and sighed. Finally that creepy old guy was no where in sight, and Harry planned to keep it that way.

Starting the long walk back to Privet Drive he decided he needed to intervene on his relatives attempts to sell him, for that was obviously what this whole "Magic School" nonsense was. And Harry has never been so insulted in his life! To think the biggest payer was a walking beard who wore _dresses_, sure he was tiny for his age, but seriously? Harry thought he could've gotten at least a more eye pleasing person wanting his body. Not that he even wanted to be sold to crazy men, or even be sold at all...but if he was he'd definitely be way out of that man's league.

Harry abruptly stopped in his tracks and decided that the last five minutes of his thoughts did not, in fact, happen. Feeling happier, still paranoid, but happier, Harry rounded the corner to trek his way back to the house.

He consciously made a mental note to himself that he was never going to sell his body, regardless of the buyers age or gender.

* * *

Far away Gilderoy Lockhart felt disappointed, but could not for the life of him figure out why.

* * *


	2. The Ministry To The Rescue

**Chapter 2; The Ministry To The Rescue.** (_Because, really, what else is more important than capturing a preteen boy?_)

* * *

Cornelius Fudge stepped out of the Headmasters floo with as much dignity the Minister of Magic should have. (meaning he knocked his head on the bricks, stumbled around the room for a short while before finally catching his balance by grabbing the back of a chair.)

If it wasn't so dire, Albus would've chuckled a little and twinkled a bit more at his visitor. But considering the situation at hand, he felt it best to instead view this memory later and mock it then. In the privacy of his own mind, of course.

"I managed to switch around some silly meetings, and push back some documents, to arrive as fast as I could." Fudge looked rather proud of the fact. But it escaped his notice (or he didn't care) that he just put off the salary for the majority of healers, quite a few Aurors, and Madam Malkin (who wanted reimbursement for the damage several drunk Aurors did two days ago, and she wanted it now, dammit!), which in turn was currently resulting in a small riot at the Ministry.

"Well I'm sure they'll understand." Albus twinkled at him merrily. Though they didn't understand, sadly not, they were currently storming the Atrium. After easily knocking out and taking captive Eric Munch, the wizard who registers visitors wands, they took over the lifts and refused to let anyone on or off, which was causing all kinds of chaos for all departments in the building.

"Get on with it then, what was this big emergency that I had to meet with you over? I am a very important man, I'll have you know." Fudge puffed up. Dumbledore rolled his eyes when Fudge turned away to play with the silver gadgets on his mantel. Just how _this_ man was voted for Minister was beyond him.

"Yes, yes, I am well aware of that fact. Also I'm glad you could clear some time, but as you know this year is a very special year for Hogwarts and the magical community of Britain." Albus paused to let that nugget of knowledge sink into the Minister's mind. Fudge looked remarkably like a lemming while he stared blankly at the Headmaster.

"You know...? a certain boy is going to be arriving...?" Albus was slowly growing frustrated. Fudge, meanwhile, still looked lost in his own head.

"Harry Potter is going to be in attendance." He finally clued in Fudge.

Fudge jumped as if startled, then began nodding furiously. "Oh! Yes, I knew that." He smiled with pride, trying to hide the fact that he completely forgot.

"Of course, it's just that we at Hogwarts are quite worried about the poor boys safety." Dumbledore quickly thought of a way of wording this so that it didn't become known that The-Boy-Who-Lived thought magic users were pedophiles. "And for his trip to Diagon Alley, I was hoping you'd be able to persuade one of the Aurors to...escort him on his welcome back to the wizarding world."

Fudge was happily nodding along. "Capital idea! I should have looked into this earlier, but once again I am a busy man. But of course the boy will need a bodyguard at all times! I'll get right to that, and by the end of today _the_ Harry Potter will return!"

Before Albus Dumbledore could interject Fudge was already gone. The old man collapsed back into his chair in horror, this would not turn out well.

On the bright side, at least he himself didn't have to try and capture the boy now.

* * *

"What are you on about now?" Petunia Dursley squeaked out. Surely the boy couldn't know about that...that...that freakishness! Looking at Vernon she noticed he was growing rapidly pale. She only prayed her precious Dudders would stay at his friends house for awhile.

"It's a valid concern!" Harry yelled out and stomped his foot. When he got back to Privet Drive he immediately cornered his aunt and uncle in the living room and begun to try and explain that it was _not okay_ to sell him for more money. They didn't even pay attention until he started in on his attempted buyer, a man (beard) who wears dresses.

"Times are getting tough I know, believe me I know, but it is definitely unacceptable to sell me to a freak with a dress fetish! Besides, the man looked older than dirt!" Harry glared at his relatives.

"This is complete rubbish! We have not tried to sell you to anyone-"

"Exactly, you didn't try to, you succeeded!" Harry interrupted, but quieted under the twin harsh glares he was receiving.

"We _never_ tried to sell you to anyone!" Vernon roared.

"Liars! You tried to sell me to Bumblebee." Harry stomped both feet at once (just to make his point). Petunia gasped and covered her mouth with one hand.

"_Dumbledore_? The man said his name was _Dumbledore_?" She spat the name as she demanded, grabbing Harry's shoulders and shaking him like a rattle. Harry swatted her hands away immediately, he'd had far enough of people trying to man handle him for one day.

"Yeah yeah, that was it. Stupid name, anyway. Who names their child Dumbledore? His parents must've hated him." Harry stopped and shook his head before continuing on with his tirade. "And that's another thing, I will not be owned by any person with a name like Dumbledore."

Vernon closed his eyes and counted to ten while Petunia palmed her face.

Why, oh why, couldn't they have a perfectly _normal_ nephew?

Harry saw they were struck speechless at all the wrongdoings on their part that were pointed out by him, he mentally gave himself a pat on the back. Now that there wouldn't be any selling of his person, he decided that he could stop his argument.

"I'll take your silence as an apology, and while I'll be watching your every move like a hawk for the time being, I'll be able to look past this incident." He then started to head in the direction of the kitchen for a celebratory snack, when the front door was blast open with a blue light. Men with burgundy dresses poured into the front hall.

Whirling around to glare at his relatives, who looked on in horror and fear (at being caught in the act of trying to auction him off again, he was certain), were currently frozen on the couch.

"Didn't we _just_ have a discussion about you selling me to strange men?" Glancing at the men who were pointing sticks at him, he scoffed and turned to proceed to the kitchen.

"I'm not for sale, you're welcome to take Dudley though." He called over his shoulder, just seconds before one of the cross-dressers came to his senses and shot a red light at him from his stick.

* * *

John Dawlish barged angrily through the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, throwing people out of his way (some Aurors even dived out of his path before they would be within arm distance).

Grumbling to himself he kicked in the office of Amelia Bones and slammed the door behind him. Amelia just glanced at him in amusement. He decided right then if he was ever going to snap and start AK'ing people left and right, she'd be the first to go. Because really, this was starting to get ridiculous.

"This is the fifteenth cat that I have been sent to rescue from a tree this week! I swear the next cat I see I'm going to chuck into a burlap sack and _drown _the little beast." Now normally he didn't have any anger problems, in fact most people would say he was an easy going kind of guy, but that was before the cats, no scratch that, the _little demon spawns from hell_, decided to get stuck in trees every time he was on duty.

"I see...and how exactly does your personal problems pertain to me?" Amelia closed the open file she was reading through and clasped her hands in her lap. Dawlish gave her a shrewd look, reached toward the little statue of a unicorn she had on her desk, and promptly smacked it off. He gave a satisfied smile at the crack that resounded in the tiny room, but his faced dropped when instead of getting angry like how he was, Bones just raised an eyebrow and cast a reparo at the figurine. Dawlish promptly stomped the newly repaired figurine to dust under his boot.

Amelia raised her eyes heavenwards and sighed deeply, why did the Aurors insist on acting like toddlers?

"No more cats! No more! I will do anything else besides fetch cats out of trees." Dawlish proclaimed as he folded his arms over his chest. Amelia glanced at the closed file on her desk and then back at him with a delighted smile, and his blood ran cold at the look.

"Of course...I can put you on this new case." Amelia clapped in delight, threw the file at him then forcefully shoved him out of her office. Dawlish glared at the workers who looked up at the door slamming behind him and walked back to his cubicle. Once comfortably seated he flipped through the file.

He suddenly decided he didn't mind retrieving small animals from woodwork. But it was too late.

* * *

There were twenty of the finest Aurors crowded in the Ministers office.

Cornelius gleefully told them their mission.

Seven of them suddenly remembered that they had very important documents that needed to be looked at immediately.

Dawlish wished he would've hopped on that bandwagon as the Minister prattled on about how they had to make sure to get back, _with the boy_ (hopefully unharmed), at the chosen meeting place within half an hour. Some of his starstruck comrades wouldn't shut up about meeting their savior. It seems that it escaped their tiny little brains that the Minister told them that the kid didn't even know magic existed.

All it took was one of the newbies to go flying out of the lift before the other Boy-Who-Lived groupies got the message.

Now they were down to twelve. And the other eleven were presently huddled on the complete other side of the lift, basically trying to become one with the wall.

Dawlish muttered a prayer to Merlin for strength not to kill anyone, one of the younger members started crying.

Once through the Atrium to the outgoing floos, Dawlish glared at his comrades and angrily called out his destination. The others hesitatingly followed at a much slower place.

Gracefully stepping out of the destination fireplace, Dawlish started twitching.

There were cats. _Everywhere_.

One by one the others quickly cluttered up the small living room (at least it would've looked like a living room if there wasn't a small beast every two steps). Out of the doorway a little old lady's head popped up, startling the group.

"Well it's about time!" she huffed and the kitten kneazle mix was knocked off her shoulder. "I swear, youngsters these days have no sense of time. You were suppose to get her over a half hour ago. The door's through the hallway to your left." She threw them one last disgusted look and her head disappeared from view again.

Still twitching Dawlish just stood there in a stupor. Williamson (he unfortunately was the youngest of the group...well he was now that Dawlish threw Savage out of the lifts) was the unlucky one sent to talk to their (group decided) leader.

"Uh..sir? What do we do now?" Williamson squeaked out. Dawlish looked from the door to the cats, who all decided that they liked the homicidal man and were curently rubbing against his legs. Kicking one (who bounced and then landed on the couch with an irritated growl), he mumbled something about making new robes and headed out of the room to the door. The other Aurors followed nervously.


	3. The Horrors of Knickerbockers

**Chapter 3; The Horrors of Knickerbockers.** _(Among many a terrifying revelation which leads to Dawlish hating everyone.)_**

* * *

**

Once the freaks took the boy and left, Petunia and Vernon stared blankly at each other.

"This can not end well." Petunia finally muttered as she sighed and relaxed back into the couch. Vernon nodded his head in agreement.

"Look at the bright side Pet, at least it isn't us he'll be cross. Besides we won't see the boy until summer starts, right?" Petunia cheered up slightly.

"Yes, yes, that's true." She almost felt sorry for the freaks, _almost_. Viewing the broken door lock she cursed and gave her husband a look.

"The door was unlocked! Do you see what type of idiots these freaks are? I swear if that boy comes back and start busting down doors willy nilly I'm going to absolutely kill them!" Petunia huffed then stalked into the kitchen to angrily start dinner.

* * *

As soon as the group apparated into a side street in Diagon Alley, Dawlish released the full bodybind he threw at Harry. Sputtering indignantly the boy backed away from him, before finally kicking him in the shin.

"What the hell was that?" Harry shrieked. Dawlish ignored the little twerp as he hopped around clutching his throbbing leg. Not one to appreciate being brushed off Harry turned to the nearest man and repeated the abuse to this person and his question. At this point both Dawlish and senior Auror Wilson were in pain (the boy must have insanely strong calf muscles, because the pain he inflicted on the two grown men was of ridiculous proportions) and the rest of them were slowly edging away from the eleven year old, just in-case he went kick happy.

Harry was not enthused with this group of child-buyers. Pivoting on his heel he started to march away from them into the alley, but not before stomping rather harshly on Williamson's foot on the way past.

"He's getting away!" Dawlish yelled angrily at the others as the boy's head disappeared into the bustling crowd. The Aurors mumbled something along the lines of not wanting to be his next victim. Dawlish wanted to punch his own head in frustration.

"Imbeciles! I work with imbeciles!" He yanked his hair brutally as he howled in despair. People started giving them frightened and worried looks.

"Sir? You're...ah...you're scaring the civilians." Whittier tried to calm the man down. Dawlish instead started to scream as loud as he could, which was causing passerby's to start to panic. Settling down to chocked gasps Dawlish let go of his hair. His face settled into a determined mask.

"I'll start searching, he couldn't have gotten far. The rest of you split up and keep a look out for Potter. Bridgehall, yes you..do you see anyone else here with the name Bridgehall? Never mind, you go and alert the minister that Potter got away." Everyone seemed to agree with the plan except Bridgehall (the rest were just glad it wasn't them delivering the message).

* * *

Harry was currently in front of the Quidditch Supply Store standing a little ways off to the side of a large group of children and teens who's faces were pressed up against the glass. Glaring at their heads in disdain he decided that it would be for the best if he found out exactly _where_ he was before he could find a way back to the Dursleys'.

"You there, pauper children." Harry declared them (for that was obviously what they were, because who else would wear clothes that look like they'd fit right in if they were currently in the 1900's?). A few of the younger ones glanced over at him to glare. One with sandy colored hair meandered closer.

"Name's Duncan, Duncan Inglebee, I'll have you know. I'm a beater on the Ravenclaw Quidditch team, ain't no pauper." He looked not much older than Harry, so in turn he was not impressed.

"Right, I beat you are a beater." He leered causing Inglebee to bristle at the innuendo. "Besides, aren't you wearing _knickerbockers_?" Harry continued on. Inglebees' eyes narrowed, then he paused to look down at his pants, which were indeed knickerbockers. Coming up blank with insults to throw back, the boy took to glaring between Harry and his own pants. Harry rolled his eyes.

"Never mind that, s'not important. What is important is the question of where we are right now." When the boy (pauper) just stood there, Harry started to contemplate the pro's and con's of murdering him in plain daylight, and if he could get away with it.

"Well? You daft or something?" He finally snapped out. Perhaps it was a bad idea to insult a Ravenclaws' intelligence, too bad Harry didn't know (or didn't care).

"Of course not you little twerp! If you can't tell that you're in Diagon Alley then maybe you're the one who is in fact stupid." With that said the boy whipped around and stalked off. Harry muttered nasty things that may or may not have included the boys knickers riding up too high. Glancing around he noticed one of the cross-dressers from Privet Drive run by him without even looking at him.

"Guess it's time to keep moving." Harry wandered further down the street.

* * *

Severus Snape knew that today would turn out horrid. He just never would've guessed that Dumbledore and the Minister would be losing their shit over the boy wonder getting lost. And the frightened Auror standing in the corner wasn't helping them calm down, not at all.

"You should've known something like this would happen." He snarked out, unable to resist to take a jab at Dumbledore. Severus knew this child wasn't like James Potter, not at all, he was worse. And this was their savior? Pshaw, they were doomed. Truly they were.

Instead of taking credit for the demon spawn, Dumbledore does what he always does, place blame elsewhere and rounded on the Auror. "Why didn't anyone stop him? What if he gets abducted or even worse, killed!" Bridgehall looked ashen before a look of terror crossed his face.

"I'm pretty sure he can handle anything that comes his way...well until we find him o'course." He nodded to himself. Words eluded Snape for a moment before he reminded himself that this was an _Auror_ speaking, then it all made perfect sense of how a fully grown man could decide that a mere child could look after themselves without trouble coming (And considering this particular child, it was bound to be heaps of trouble).

"It shouldn't matter if he can _handle _Death Eaters or otherwise, the point of the matter is that he is loose in Diagon Alley!" Dumbledore thundered at the man.

"What I'm concerned about is exactly how he escaped." Snape gave a pointed look to the others. The Minister and Headmaster stopped and chewed on that thought for a moment before looking expectantly at Bridgehall.

"Well...the thing is...uh, it's all Dawlishs' fault really! And um...he kicks really hard?" As he cowered under the stares, Bridgehall wondered why he even became an Auror in the first place (He actually wanted to work at Honeydukes when he graduated, but no, he chose to be terrorized by powerful wizards and witches daily).

* * *

"Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop?" Harry found himself questioning what kind of arse backwards place he was kidnapped to. Shrugging he decided to take a gander around and see if there was any less weird stores were around. There! Aha! Harry scurried across the street to an ice cream parlour, dodging people who were hurrying by. Making it to the counter in one piece he grabbed a seat and started reading all the flavors.

"You ready to order?" A kind looking oldish man asked him. And since he didn't look like he wanted to buy Harry or inturn sell him, Harry found himself smiling at the worker.

"Just about, do you have any chocolate?" The man laughed.

"Boy, you're at Florean Fortescue's! We have every flavor ever invented, and a few that haven't even been though of yet." He proclaimed. Harry chose to ignore questioning him about that last part and instead ordered a scoop.

"That'll be a three knuts." The man told him as he went to get the order. Shocked Harry could only stare blankly in front of him feelings of dread going down his spine. Of course there'd be no normal people around, of course he just _had_ to stumble upon a society of perverts. He heatedly started spouting out words without even trying to stop himself.

"But I only have two! Should've known you'd want my nuts too. What's with you people? Buyers and sellers is what you all are. Buyers and sellers! I'll tell you one thing though, you'll never buy me! I'd rather--" Harry started in on a good rant but was stopped by ice cream being shoved into his mouth. The ice cream slave was backing away slowly.

"Never mind, never mind, it's on the house then. Enjoy...and please never come back here." With that said he made a hasty retreat into the backroom.

Grabbing the cup Harry scowled around the spoon stuck in his mouth and left the store. Spying a group of people walking into the strangest looking doors (Obviously the people were insane here, they made the doors look like actual fireplaces!) Harry hoped that maybe one of them lead to civilization. Remembering the look on the lead child retrievers face Harry chuckled to himself as he stepped into the green lights (Which also strangely looked like flames.) then he was suddenly being spun away. Harry definitely had a bad feeling about this.

* * *

Alton Wilson finally snapped after searching for four hours straight. There were seriously not that many places the kid could be hiding, well unless someone let him back into London, Wilson chose to completely ignore that scenario for the time being. Cursing up a storm he stopped as an idea struck him.

"_Accio Harry Potter_." He whispered, hoping to Merlin this would work. He felt the spell working before white lights sputtered out of his wand and it died out. Thus he continued cursing.

* * *

"What the hell?" Harry turned around quickly to see who grabbed his arm. But of course no one was there.

"Maybe I've finally lost it?" He questioned himself before shaking his head. "Nah, that's just what they want me to think." Glancing around the room he was flung into (By yet another fire place door) Harry was rather relieved that it looked almost like a normal living room. Seeing a window he rushed over.

"Yes! Now where am I now?" Flinging open the curtains he stopped and wanted to cry. More weird child-buyers were walking along the street. He was getting rather good at spotting their kind, well actually it wasn't very hard he had to admit, with their funny dresses and carrying of sticks.

"For the love of--" He then began to beat his head against the window.

* * *

"There's been an alert coming from Mad Eye Moodys' floo." The heavily bandaged head Auror Savage reported from her doorway. Amelia Bones didn't look up from the papers she was signing and beckoned him into the room. The bandaged head turned into a bandaged body as he carefully made his way across to stand infront of her desk. Finally at the last piece of parchment Director Boned put the stopper in the ink case and looked up, only to do a double take.

"_What_ in Merlin's beard _happened_ to you?" She knew Savage hadn't been on any dangerous missions lately. Savage himself was looking everywhere but at the Head of his department while fidgeting nervously.

"I sorta had an accident on the lift." He murmured out of the side of his mouth before peering suspiciously around her office and casting detection spells under his breath.

"Accident?" Oddly enough, Amelia got the cold feeling of dread going down her spine as she watched the Auror.

"Well I was just excited about actually _meeting_ the Boy-Who-Lived...and Dawlish _wasn't_ happy about _me_ being happy because quite frankly I believe that Dawlish isn't Dawlish at all. The real Dawlish perished in a fire, doesn't matter when or where the fire was, and his body is now possessed by a demon who was biding it's time until unleashing it's wrath and fury all over us and destroying the Magical World as we know it!" As he rambled on Amelia could only watch in horrified fascination as the man carried out a tale that turned into the real Dawlish fighting to come back to reclaim his body and the demon and him fighting for control.

She quickly wrote a memo that was to be sent to wherever Moody was at this moment in time (Merlin knew the man moved frequently enough as it is). Folding it up she changed the color of the parchment red and sent the thing whizzing out of her office. Taking a look up she saw Savage was still spewing out this tale, except now he was starting to foam at the mouth as his non bandaged arm was flailing all over.

She sighed and put her head in her hands.

* * *

Dawlish just finished interrogating the latest person who had the misfortune of crossing his path. A large portion of the Aurors supposedly searching for Harry Potter decided instead to watch Dawlish as he frightened the people out school shopping. The scary part was watching as Dawlishs' face lit up with unholy glee as each person ran off scared out of their wits or crying (A lot of the times it was both at once).

Well they were watching until the Minister and Albus Dumbledore himself saddled up next to them and proceeded to also enjoy this fine sight. After watching for a short period of time the two unlikely allies herded the Aurors into a nearby side street.

"We have found him, so no need to fret any longer." Fudge said with relish. The men shoulders visibly sagged in relief. Albus started to comb his fingers through his beard in delight as he eye twinkled at the group.

"How'd you catch him?" Williamson volunteered to ask the first question after the silence began to get awkward and they all just stood there staring at each other.

"Oh ho! Quite the question there chap." Fudge winked at them and then started to play with the cuffs of his robes. Then he stared at them, and they stared back, and it got awkward again quickly.

"If it is indeed 'quite the question' then maybe you should answer it within the next year." Albus mumbled to himself as he replaced his fingers with his wand in his beard. Well he though he mumbled it to himself, when in reality it came out as more of a yelled whisper. Fudge went red as he started to sputter before regaining control of his body.

"Of course, of course. Well we all must have our secret ways, hmm?" This caused dubious looks to go around. Finally having enough just standing around doing nothing Albus sighed and yelled whispered at them again.

"He flooed straight into the Atrium not even half an hour ago" Straightening his body he spoke regularly. "Well I really must be going, you know lots of important things to get ready for the school year. Thank you again Minister, and please do not hesitate to ask for assistance in anything us at Hogwarts can help the Ministry with." Striding out of the side street he passed by Dawlish quickly and practically ran to the nearest floo on the street. Smiling at the group he cast a _Sonorus_ and called out to Dawlish catching his and everybody else on the street's attention.

"Auror John Dawlish, distress no longer. It seems our missing boy has wandered his way into the Ministry building. We've taken the liberty of setting him up at your desk. So you are free to collect him. Also I'll be glad to see a fine upstanding citizen and Ministry employee as yourself volunteer to bodyguard said boy coming this school year. Any questions can be directed to the Minister who is currently trying to slip away into the crowd behind you." And with that the Headmaster quickly made his own getaway.

Dawlish flung around and hungrily searched for a lime green bowler hat. Once spotted, Dawlish began screaming at Fudge about nonsense words like 'vacation' and 'not dealing with snot nosed kids'.

"I hate that man." Fudge whimpered to himself after realizing Dumbledore wasn't coming back to rescue him.


End file.
